


Sad Green Eyes - A Ghost Story

by MovieWocher



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Camren - Freeform, F/F, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, a little sad, i think this maybe an AU but I have not decided yet., if there's a ghost then someone died... sorry about that, yes it's a ghost story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-06-24 17:53:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15635754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MovieWocher/pseuds/MovieWocher
Summary: It has been a year and Lauren is still not over Camila. How can she, when the love of her life has left her permanently? No more fights, no more making up, no more secrets. She feels so alone. But what if she really wasn't?





	1. Chapter 1

Before today, there was nothing. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t remember anything from the year before, the month before, the week before. Not what she wore, not what she ate, not who she was with yesterday. As if the past did not exist. Or maybe it was her that did not exist.

The only thing she knew what that her name was Karla and that she was alone in the world. She tried to talk to everyone she met but they all ignored her. As if she wasn’t there. 

And when for the tenth time someone walked past her, she had to admit to one other truth. They cannot see or hear her. And they were not walking past her, they were walking through her. 

She was a spirit. A ghost with a name but without any memories. 

Until she saw her… the girl with brown locks and sad green eyes. A faint stirring rose within her. But it was gone as fast as it rose. Whatever it was she was supposed to remember, she quickly forgotten. Instead Karla watched as the girl walking aimlessly, bumping into people and into things, whispering an apology that no one heard. If Karla was a lost ghost, then that girl was a lost soul.

Karla called the girl, green eyes. It was her most striking feature. The second was the loneliness hanging over her like a cloud. It was as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Karla bet that if green eyes would just smile, world peace would descend across the universe. But it looked like she hadn’t for a while. Curiousity got the better of her and Karla decided to follow green eyes. What could make a girl like her so sad? Karla thought that maybe the reason she was here as a ghost was to help people like green eyes. So nodding to herself, she made a promise to herself that she wouldn’t leave green eyes until she saw her smile, a real smile.

“Lauren, how are you holding up?”

Karla watched as a tall blonde woman suddenly stepped outside from a building and enveloped green eyes in a tight hug. Lauren was green eye’s name. It was pretty but she she’d gotten used to calling her green eyes. So maybe she’ll stick with it for a while.

“Dinah,” green eyes sobbed on her friend’s shoulder. “How can it be one year already? It feels like yesterday.”

Dinah hugged green eyes even tighter. “I know… I know… I couldn’t believe it myself. Life certainly seemed dull without her.”

Karla figured that they were talking about a dead friend or maybe someone more than that. That was why green eyes was so sad.

Green eyes pried herself from Dinah. She took a tissue from her purse, wiped her eyes, and squared her shoulders. “Let’s go.”

Karla followed the two inside the building until they went to one of the restaurants. There was a signage at the door saying that it was closed for a private function that day. When they entered, there were lots of people inside, mingling and talking and eating and laughing. It wasn’t exactly what she expected.

The she saw an elderly woman walk towards green eyes.

“Lauren, Lauren, Lauren,” she greeted with a sad smile as she embraced green eyes. “Your eyes are swollen and red again. She wouldn’t want that, you know?”

“I know Sinu,” green eyes answered as she forced a smile on her face.

“That’s a bit better. Forced yes but atleast you’re trying.” Sinu said as she grabbed Lauren’s hand and pulled her towards a teenage girl. “Sofi had been waiting for you.”

Karla felt like an intruder. Whatever these people were going through, she was not apart of. So instead of watching around, she floated outside and waited there.


	2. Chapter 2

Karla spent the next few hours cooing at the babies that passed her. Some would look directly at her, some would smile, and some would reach out for her. A couple of times, she would ran after some babies playing with them before they get too far and that’s when she almost missed green eyes. Lauren suddenly barreled out of the restaurant with Dinah running after her.

“Lauren, stop! You know she didn’t mean it.” Dinah called after the girl.

“Fucking move on… who the hell does she think she is,” green eyes said as she suddenly turned around and faced Dinah, eyes flashing in anger.

“She just… you know… she just don’t want to see you sad anymore.” Dinah explained trying to calm down her friend.

“She doesn’t understand.” Green eyes was shaking in anger.

“No, she doesn’t.”  Dinah said as she looked at her friend and then added haltingly. “But she is right. You’re always sad. Camila wouldn’t want this for you.”

“Not you, too.” Green eyes turned around and started walking away.

“Lauren, I’m sorry.”

Green eyes flipped her friend without looking back.  

Karla watched as Dinah shook her head, she clearly wanted to follow her friend. She wanted to comfort the blonde but green eyes was now a few feet away and if she doesn’t follow, she might lose her. So smiling apologetically at Dinah, Karla ran after green eyes.

After a while, green eyes was back to walking at normal speed but Karla can see that she is anything but normal. Green eyes was still scowling and she would occasionally bring her hands to her face and roughly wipe away her tears. Karla tagged helplessly behind her when green eyes suddenly turned a corner and went inside a park. The finding the nearest bench, she sat down abruptly. Karla stood beside her.

“Who left you green eyes? Is it that Camila?” Karla asked knowing that she can’t be heard.

Green eyes suddenly pulled out her phone. She then opened the gallery and started scrolling through the pictures. Karla couldn’t help herself, she walked behind Lauren and looked over her shoulders.

Lauren stopped scrolling as a picture of her with another girl displayed on the screen. They were sitting together and laughing.

“That must be Camila,” Karla muttered. “She’s cute. She must have been a really good friend.”

Lauren then swiped to the next picture.

“Oh, I guess she is more than a friend.” Karla exclaimed as the next picture showed the two girls kissing and not in a friend type of way.    

Green eyes just sat there, unmoving as she continued to stare at the picture.

“What am I supposed to do?” Karla sighed as she straightened up. “Why did I even think that I am here to help you? That was a stupid idea. I don’t even know you. I don’t even know myself.” Karla shut her eyes tightly in frustration for a second as she rubbed her forehead and when she opened them, she was in a different place. She looked around and found herself inside a house. It was big and designed tastefully. Although there were some quirky items on display. A banana pillow on the sofa. A set of minions toys in one of the shelf. Karla paused with that thought. She still can’t remember anything about herself but she doesn’t have any problems identifying random odd things. She hoped that would change soon. She looked around and then noticed that the place was a mess. There were bags everywhere, half eatened food on the table, pillows strewn carelessly. Only the banana one was safely placed on the sofa. The house used to be loved she can tell but now it feels hollow, empty and lifeless. As she was thinking that, Karla heard sobbing from inside one of the rooms. She followed the sound, moved through the door, and found green eyes. She was lying face down on the bed, shoulders shaking, crying.

“I guess I’m really here because of you.” Karla sighed as she sat down on the bed. “I wish I can talk to you though. It would be nice to put a smile on that face of yours. I’m sure wherever Camila is, she wouldn’t want to see you crying.”  


	3. Chapter 3

“So what can I do to help you?” Karla asked as she walked around Lauren who was standing by the kitchen counter eating cereal at 10 in the evening. “There must be something… otherwise I won’t be here. Maybe I can ---.” But before she can continue her thoughts, the doorbell rang. Both she and Lauren looked towards the door in surprise.

“I’m not expecting anyone… I don’t think so anyway,” Lauren said as she lifted her bowl and padded over to the door. “Who is it?” She called out.

“It’s Lucy.”

Lauren cocked her to the side as she stared at the door puzzled.

“Shouldn’t you open that?” Karla asked as she moved her head pass the door to see a beautiful dark haired woman waiting. “She has bags with her, she must have come a long way.”

“Aren’t you letting me in?”

“Yeah, just give me a second.” Lauren answered as she scrambled to open the door. When she finally managed to do that, she was greeted with a big smile and then a quick hug. “What are you doing here?” She asked as she stood motionless.

“You mom called me,” Lucy explained as she entered the house, dragging her bags with her.

“She called you?” Lauren asked as she closed the door behind them, frowning. “Why would she do that?”     

“I asked her the same thing.” Lucy said as she dropped down on the sofa. “Apparently she tried everyone else and I’m like one of the last people on her list. She’s desperate.”

“I’m going to call her,” Lauren muttered softly as she shook her head. Then looking directly at Lucy, she said more loudly. “I’m sorry, you probably just wasted your time. You should go home to your parents. I’m sure they’d want to see you.”

“I could, of course, do that,” Lucy started, a bit unsure. “But you see I promised your mom that I’ll try.”

Lauren ran her fingers through her hair as she tried to force a smile. “You know what, that’s fine. But I’m really tired right now so let’s just catch up tomorrow. There’s two guest rooms in that hallway, you can just pick whatever. Kitchen is over there. Feel free to eat, drink and use whatever you need.”

“Okay.” Lucy said as she watched her friend, her former girlfriend walked to what she assumed was the master bedroom.

Instead of following Lauren, Karla stayed back with Lucy. “I hope you can cheer her up, Lucy. She’s really really sad. It’s like watching a person do everything in slow-mo. She doesn’t turn on the tv, or listen to music or read, or really do anything. She’d just stare at the walls for hours.”

Lucy sighed as she stood up. Then she started putting the living room in order. She placed all the trash in one of the larger bags she found on the floor. Then she placed back things in their places, atleast what she thought was their place.

“It’s really nice what you’re doing. Green eyes will surely appreciate these once she sees the house tomorrow.” Karla said as she followed Lucy around. Pointing stuff and adding commentary even though she know that the other girl wouldn’t hear her.

Lucy paused on the side table as she looked at one of picture frames sadly. “Oh Camila, I thought you’d take good care of our girl. Why did you have to leave so soon?”

“I’m sure she would have stayed if she could.” Karla answered as she stared at the picture as well. “The photographs that I’ve seen them in, she really looked like she adored green eyes.”  

“You should have stayed with me instead. You wouldn’t be this miserable.” Lucy added as she moved on to the couch and fluffing the pillows.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Karla asked, feeling a bit of annoyance bubbling inside her. But everything turned black.  

***

The next time Karla opened her eyes, she heard laughter.

“And do you remember the look on Mr. Grayson’s face when Jenny dropped the f word during class?”

“Oh God, I thought he was going to have a heart attack.” Lauren answered as she wiped tears from her eyes from laughing so hard. “Where is Jenny by the way?”

“She became a nun,” Lucy answered with a straight face.

“No! No way!”

“Way!”

Lauren doubled over in laughter.

Karla looked at Lucy gratefully and then turned towards green eyes. It was the first time she heard her laugh and she can’t help but feel happy herself that is until she saw Lucy inched her way nearer the green eyed girl. She watched as Lucy raised her hands to brush Lauren’s hair behind her ears. And suddenly no one was laughing and they were just staring at each other. It was very intimate gesture and for some reason, it didn’t sit well with her. She turned around so as not to see them and the next thing she knew, there was a crashing sound as the photo frame near her hand was knocked to the floor.

Lauren immediately stood up and walked over to the side. She picked up the frame carefully, leaving the shards of glasses on the floor. Karla saw that it was a photo of Camila that Lucy was looking at last night. She watched as green eyes started crying again.      


	4. Chapter 4

Lauren looked up at Lucy, her tear filled eyes suddenly brimming with excitement. “It’s her! It’s Camila! She’s back.”

“That’s not possible.” Lucy said as her eyes darted nervously around the room. “Is just not.”

“Then how can you explain what happened?” Lauren said, clutching the picture to her chest as she walked frantically around the room. “There’s no reason for the frame to fall. It’s her!”

“No, no, no,” Karla said, following Lauren around, gesturing wildly. “Camila is not here. It’s just me. The last thing I want to do is to get your hopes up.”

“I knew she’d come back for me. I knew it.”

Lucy stepped in front of Lauren and then slapped her. “Lauren, do you hear yourself? You’re sound like a crazy person.” Lucy said as Lauren looked at her in shock.

“What the hell was that for?” Lauren asked, her eyes wild in anger.

“You’re talking nonsense.”

Lauren closed her eyes and counted up to ten. “I know you’re trying to help Luce but you’re not. I think it’s time for you to leave,” she said calmly when she opened her eyes.

“I don’t think ---.”

“Thank you for your concern,” Lauren said as she walked back to her room. “I’d appreciate it if you’re gone by the time I come out,” she added before closing the door behind her.

**Lauren**

Time, they said would heal all wounds. But it’s been a year and Lauren still couldn’t accept that Camila was gone. They were just starting anew after everything that happened between them. They had plans, lots of them. They’ll finally be making it up to each other. They were happy and giddy and in-love and they were no longer afraid. They were not going to make a big deal out of it but they were going to attend an event together and they will hold each other’s hand throughout the night. It would be their little coming out. But they never made it to the event.

Have a good cry, they said then you’ll feel fine. She wouldn’t know. It feels like Lauren hasn’t stopped crying since the day it happened. Outwardly, she may look fine but inside she never stopped.

“If I knew this would happen, I would trade our time together for you to be alive and well. I’d rather we be fighting, playing that endless tug of war until we’re both gray and old. Can you imagine us in our 70’s and singing Worth It? It will be one of those reunion type things and then we’ll try to twerk on the stage. Our grandchildren would have been embarrassed. And we’d still be bickering back stage, trying to make each other jealous. And then as it always does, our eyes will meet for a second and we’ll still both know.”

Lauren smiled as she said the last sentence. Then her eyes were suddenly filled with tears again as she remembered that it was just a fantasy, that it will never happen, that she will never see Camila old and grey and trying to twerk. She was about to wipe the tears from her face, when she realized that she was still holding Camila’s photo, clutching it tightly in her fist. “But it doesn’t matter because I know you’re here.” She said as she raised the picture and smiled at it.

“Lauren… she’s not here,” Karla said from the foot of the bed.

“I feel you near me.”

**One Week Later**

“Are you sure you wanna go through with this?” Dinah whispered to Lauren as they led the medium inside the house.

“Yes, I’m sure. If she’s here then I want to know for sure.” Lauren whispered back as she glared at Dinah, annoyed at her friend’s disbelief. Then pasting a smile to her face, she walked ahead and fell in step with the medium.

As Lauren and the medium talked, Dinah lingered in the living room. Spotting the banana pillow, she grabbed it and embraced it tightly.

“Walz, I don’t know if you’re really here or even if you can hear us from wherever you are, but I just want to say that I miss you, your koala hugs, and all your goofy ways. We didn’t even get the chance to premiere the Chancho and CheeChee show.”

“You certainly have lots of names for each other,” Karla observed as the blonde continued to clutch the pillow tightly. “I’m sure she missed you, too. You really seem like a cool person.”

“And I wish I’ve been a better friend to you especially when ---.”

“Dinah, lets get started,” Lauren called from the dining room.

Dinah placed the pillow back on the sofa. Then she patted it gently before heading towards Lauren. When she got there, both women were already sitting around the dining room. Dinah sat next to Lauren with Karla just behind her. The medium peered curiously at the spot behind Dinah.

Lauren and Dinah both looked behind and finding nothing, stared at each other for a second before Dinah kicked Lauren under the table.

“Ms. Jordan. Maybe we should start.” Lauren said as she rubbed her shin.

“Someone is here with us.”

Lauren sat up.  

“Is it Camila?”

“I don’t know. I can’t see the spirit clearly, it’s blurry. But the spirit is standing behind Dinah.”

Karla looked in surprise at the medium. She never thought they were real and that they were just trying to make money off people. But this one maybe different. She walked slowly towards Ms. Jordan and with every step, the medium’s face turned towards her. Until they were right to each other.

“I’m talking to the spirit in this house, the one who’s standing beside me.”

“Can you really see me? Can you hear me?” Karla asked.

“I can.”  

“That’s great!” Karla said excitedly as she clapped her hands.

“Can you ask it?” Lauren spoke up.

Ms. Jordan nodded. “It’s a her.” Turning her head towards Karla, she asked in a loud voice. “Are you Camila?”

“No… I’m sorry but I’m not.”

“She said she’s not Camila.”

Lauren looked down in disappointment.

“If you’re not Camila, can you tell me your name?” Ms. Jordan directed the question back to Karla.

“I’m Karla.”

The medium jerked her head in surprise. She knew Camila’s full name. “What’s your last name?”

“I don’t… I don’t remember.”

“Do you know anything else about yourself?”

Karla paused as she thought about the question. After a few days of hanging around with green eyes, she stopped trying to recall details of her life, if she even had one. But even now as she tried, nothing comes to mind. It was still a blank. “No.”

“How long have you been here?”

“I don’t know… a couple of weeks.”

Ms. Jordan sat up straight and looked at Lauren. “The spirit in your house just came here recently, few weeks ago. She doesn’t remember anything about her life except for one thing. Her name, Karla.”  

Lauren gasped loudly as she moved and grabbed Dinah’s arm. “Did you say Karla?”


	5. Chapter 5

“Oh,” Dinah exclaimed in a mix of confusion and pain as Lauren’s hand continued its deathly grip on her arm. “So… this… Karla… what is she doing in Lauren’s house?”

“I don’t know. I just saw green eyes, I mean Lauren, and she seemed so sad. I wanted to help her. And also whenever I try to walk away, I’d wake up and find myself near her again. So I guess she is sort of my mission.”

The medium relayed Karla’s answers to the two friends.

“If you want me to go away, I’ll try,” Karla added.

“No!” Lauren said after Ms. Jordan told them Karla’s last statement. “Maybe you can help me with Camila.”

“I’ll try but I don’t know how.  I haven’t seen any other spirits around.”

“That’s fine, I’m sure we’ll figure it out.” Lauren answered after Ms. Jordan gave her Karla’s response.

“So ahh… Karla can hear everything we say and see everything we do?” Dinah asked.

“Basically everything…. But ohhh… if Lauren’s in the bathroom or changing or doing something private, I don’t stay and watch… I mean I don’t have to be in the same room with her. And I respect her privacy. I’m into that. God… no… I’m not a pervert. Or if I can’t leave for any reason, I close my eyes or turn my back. I don’t watch…”

Mss. Jordan broke into a laugh.

“What’s happening?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that she’s babbling and it’s… anyway, she said that she respects your privacy, she’s into that, she stated very strongly.” Lauren and Dinah exchanged glances once more. “She goes out of the room or turn her back or closes her eyes when you’re in the bathroom or changing or doing anything that’s really personal,” Ms. Jordan added.

“Oh oh and sometimes, I get blackouts. Next thing I’ll know a few hours or even days had passed. So I’m not always here.”

“And she gets blackouts. And when she comes to, sometimes a few hours or a few days had passed.”

Before anyone can continue, the medium’s phone chirped. “I’m sorry, I have to go. My flight leaves in three hours and with traffic, you know how it goes,” Ms. Jordan said as she stood up.

“When you’re coming back again?” Lauren asked as she also stood up.

“In three weeks.”

“Can you come back here when you return?”

“Come walk me to my car,” Ms. Jordan said to Lauren instead of answering. “You keep Karla company,” she said to Dinah as the other one also stood up. Dinah sat back down and Karla sat across from her.

“So Karla, wanna have a banana?” Dinah asked when the two left the room.

**Outside**

“She’s still blurry, you know.” Ms. Jordan said as she held her car door open. “I’ve only seen that on spirits who were confused and lost. But I do get the feeling that she’s the one you’ve been talking about.”

“Would she ever remember?”

“She’s here. She’s drawn to you. Something deep inside her remembers. You just need to draw it out.”

“How do I do that? I can’t even talk to her,” Lauren said in frustration.

“You can talk to her.” Ms. Jordan said calmly. “She hears you. You won’t hear her say anything back but you’ll feel something. Talk about the things that you two shared. It might help.” The medium entered her car and started the engine. “Good luck,” she added before driving off.

**The following day**

Lauren woke up early. She hopped out of bed with energy she hadn’t felt in almost a year. “Good morning Karla,” she said brightly.

Karla who was sitting on the chair by the door, sat up in attention, a smile forming on her face.

“It’s such a nice day.” Lauren continued as she opened the window curtains and let the light in. “I think it’s time we start cracking out some music. She said as she turned on her speakers and turned her attention on her phone. “How about some Fifth Harmony? Have you heard these songs, Karla?” She asked as she played Better Together.  

Karla stood up and walked towards the speakers, listening intently.

“I’ll leave this on while I take a shower.”

Karla nodded forgetting that Lauren can’t see her, still focused on the music.

By the time Lauren got out wrapped just in her towels, the speakers were playing songs from their second album. “Are you still here? Do you like these songs?”

Karla looked towards Lauren. “I like them. They’re fun.”

“I have a love-hate relationships with these songs, you know. The first time, I loved them. But then I started to hate them a bit because while they were present, I can’t sing my own songs. But now as I listen to them again, I realized that I never stopped loving them. While they remind me of some things I‘d rather forget, they also remind me of things that I cherished. They remind me of the fans, of the group, of Camila. That’s never a bad thing.”

Karla walked towards Lauren who was sitting by her vanity and combing her still wet hair.  “I wish I can remember just like you. I’d take the bad along with the good.” As Karla looked at her, Lauren dropped her comb on the floor as she tried to remove a tangle on her hair. Forgetting that she can’t touch anything, Karla bent down to retrieve the comb at the same time that Lauren did. For a second, Lauren’s eye were at the same level as hers, mere inches away. Karla froze as Lauren picked up the comb and sat back up, speaking as if nothing happened. “You’re beautiful eyes, stare right into my eyes…” an unknown song played on Karla’s brain. Slowly looking up, she studied the face above hers. Lauren was beautiful, she knew that the first time she saw her but there was something else that she couldn’t pinpoint. Then she realized that it was one of the first times that she’s seen Lauren smiling, the real kind, not forced. And that smile... that smile made her feel warm and tingly all over. That's not normal, right?


	6. Chapter 6

“I want to show you around,” Lauren said to Karla as she walked out of the bedroom. “But I’ll have some breakfast first.”

Karla followed her outside still in a bit of daze. The rush of emotions she felt earlier was unexpected. She can actually still feel her heart racing.  Why would she feel this way? Why would she have a crush on Lauren? Why would she have a crush on a girl? Karla froze. Is she… is she gay?

“I’m not really in a mood to cook. I guess I’ll just have some cereals.” Lauren said from the kitchen, unaware of the conflict that Karla was having. “And maybe a banana.”

Karla looked up and saw Lauren staring at a sad brown bunch of bananas.

“Shit… I guess I’ll just buy some from the market.” Lauren said as she picked them up and placed them in the trash can.

“No!” Karla ran over to when Lauren was. “You can still use them for pancakes or banana bread or pudding.”

Lauren washed her hands and sat down with her cereal. “I must be crazy believing that medium,” she said as suddenly slammed her spoon down the table. “I am just talking to myself, pretending that you are here. How pathetic can I get?” Lauren picked up the bowl and hurled it across the kitchen. She then trudged back to the bedroom.  

“No, Lauren. You’re not crazy. I’m here. I’m not Camila but I’m here.” Karla said as she followed her. She then watched as Lauren rummaged through the room until she suddenly raised a bag in triumph.  

“Ty, I knew you were good for something. I hope this is still good.” Lauren said as she lighted one of the joints. First puff and she was smiling.

Karla looked on in disappointment and then everything when dark.

**That Night**

“You really want to go out?” Dinah asked as she watched Lauren putting makeup on.

“Yes, I need to get out. Do you know I haven’t gone to a club in more than a year?”

“I know. It’s just… why now? Shouldn’t you be trying to talk to Karla?”

“It’s all cuckoo. There’s no Karla, there no ghost, and Camila is gone. That’s it.”

Karla watched from the corner of the room, more affected that she care to admit.

“It’s time Dinah. I mean, isn’t that what you and everyone else wants me to do? To move on? To start living again? That’s what I’m doing. You should be happy.”

“I am that’s what I’m here,” Dinah said forcing a smile on her face. “I’ll be your wingman… we’ll find you a hot girl or guy.”

Lauren finished putting on her lipstick and smiled at her reflection.  “Let’s go.”

Karla tagged along with the two friends. The moment they stepped in the club, Lauren ordered a drink and downed it all in one straight gulp. That set the theme of the night. And then she started dancing with random people, pulling them from their seats or from their dance partners, not that anyone complained. It was Lauren after all, drunk or not, she was still hot especially in that short black dress. Then it started becoming a little bit wild, as she started to gyrate on these random strangers and kissing them that even Dinah stopped drinking and just stood watch. When things starts to get a bit heated, she’ll pull Lauren off and dragged her to the bathroom. But then after a few minutes, Lauren is back out there again dancing with another stranger.  

And Karla was getting pissed off by the second.

When she saw the latest guy putting his hands on Lauren’s ass, pulling her closer. She got so mad that she tried to push him away. The next second, he was on the floor.

“Why’d you push me babe?” He asked as he stood up.

“I didn’t push you.” Lauren said as she laughed. “Come here.”

The guy smiled at her and they both started dancing again, closer than ever.

Karla pushed him off again.

“What the fuck?!?” The guy said as he found himself on the floor again.

“Is the floor slippery?” Lauren asked as she kneeled down and started touching the dirty floor.

“Okay, I think it is time to go.” Dinah said as she pulled Lauren up.

“What about me?” The guy asked.

“Go home,” Dinah muttered as she led Lauren out.

The guy was about to follow when he found himself on the floor again. “What the fuck?”

“Stay away.” Karla said as she glared at him before following Dinah and Lauren out.

**The following morning**

Lauren woke up as light filtered inside her room.

“Wakey wakey,” Dinah said as she pulled the curtains open.

“Close them again,” Lauren said as she pulled the covers over her head.

“It’s almost noon. Get up. Let’s get some greasy food into your stomach. It’ll make you feel better.”

“Give me 30 minutes.”

“I’m not your mother, Lauser. Besides, I have to leave in the next hour.”

“Fine, just leave me then.”

“Camila would kill me if I leave you in this state.”

“Well she’s dead, so you’re off the hook,” Lauren muttered.

Dinah sighed as she looked at the unmoving bundle in the middle of the bed. After getting Lauren home and watching her throw up every few minutes, she decided to stay and watch over her. She sat down on the chair inside the room and eventually feel asleep herself. But she really had to go. She has an appointment in a few hours and she has to get ready. She opened the door to the bedroom and gasped. The living room was a mess.      

**A few hours earlier**

Karla was fuming. When the bedroom door closed behind Dinah and Lauren, she started throwing things around the room. She was so mad that she didn’t even realize that she was able to physically move things. Then hearing retching sounds from inside the room, she rushed inside.

“What the hell, Lauren?” Karla asked as she watched Lauren threw up on the toilet with Dinah holding her hair up. “What you’re doing is irresponsible. What if you got hurt? What if someone took advantage of you? You’re lucky, Dinah was there. You’re so frustrating. Smoking weed and who knows what else, getting drunk, making out with strangers. You’re just looking for trouble.”

Lauren looked up in her drunken haze and then smiled. “Hey baby, I’m sorry. I just missed you so much.”

“What?” Karla exclaimed as she looked at Lauren looking at her.

“Camz, you’re still as beautiful as the day I met you. They said that you changed throughout the years. They’re crazy. You’re beautiful then, you’re beautiful now.”

Karla stood up and stepped back.

“Don’t go,” Lauren said reaching out for her.

“Who are you talking to?” Dinah asked as she wiped Lauren’s face with a wet towel.

“Camila. She’s mad at me because I’m drunk and high.”

‘Well, Camila would want you to change out of these stinking clothes and sleep.”

“Do you?” Lauren asked as she looked directly at Karla. Before Karla can answer, Lauren started throwing up again.  

“I’m her,” Camila whispered, remembering everything.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is kindda sad. Please skip it if you're easily triggered.

It was late afternoon when Lauren trudged out of the bedroom. She walked directly to her ref, got a beer, opened it, drank half then went to the living room. Without much preamble, she laid down face first on the couch, holding the banana pillow tightly in one arm, and after a few seconds was snoring softly. Unknown to her, Camila was following her around and trying hard to communicate with her.

Back inside her dreams, Lauren was sober. She doesn’t smell of puke and cigarettes. She was in a sundress and a hat, sitting in a lounge chair by the beach and reading a book. She’d occasionally take a sip of her juice as she turned pages. And when the sun was blocked, she lifted her head and smiled at the girl in front of her.

“What took you so long?”

“I don’t know how you do it,” Camila said as she sat down next to Lauren. “It’s as if the sand was able to find its way in every nooks and crannies of my body. I had to literally scrub three times just to get everything off.” 

“You could have asked for my help, you know.”

“Oh I’m sure,” Camila laughed. “We’d probably still be up there.”

“Exactly,” Lauren said with a wink.

Camila laughed again before she faced Lauren and turned serious. “Anyway, I have to go.”

“What do you mean? You just got here.” Lauren sat up, series of alarm bells started ringing inside her mind.

“I have to do something. Be good while I’m away, okay?” Camila stood up without waiting for Lauren’s response and walked off.

Lauren knocked her glass to the sand in her hurry to follow Camila. She tried to see where Camila went but she was gone. She looked at all directions but there were no traces of her.

“Camila? Camila! Where are you?”

Lauren started to aimlessly walk across the beach which had suddenly became crowded. She couldn’t help but bump into different people everytime she moved.

“Camila!”

Lauren woke with a start. She sat up from the couch and for a second look bewildered. She wasn’t in a beach. But Camila was still gone. Then without thinking, she took the half full bottle of beer and threw it across the wall.

“Don’t do that, Lauren.” Camila said as she tried to hold on to Lauren’s hands. “I’m here. I’m right here.”

Lauren stood up, leaving Camila on the floor. She went inside her room and came back out holding her phone.

“Hey, it’s me.” Lauren said in her raspy voice .

“Yah… I’m fine,” Lauren answered. “I was wondering if you can hit me up.”

“What?” Lauren exclaimed as she placed the phone on speaker and threw it on the table.

“I promised your girl, I won’t.” Ty’s voice clearly heard.

“What girl?”

“Camila.”

“Well she no longer here. Promises expire when people die, you know.”

“I’m sorry Lauren.”

“Thanks for nothing.” Lauren screamed as she ended the call.

Lauren laid back down on the couch, staring at the ceiling, unblinking. “Maybe I should just sell and leave this house. How am I supposed to move on when everywhere I look, I see traces of you? Do you know how fucking hard it is to survive when every cell of your being just wants to get up and quit? There’s nothing here for me. Not when you’ve gone. And everyone’s telling me how lucky I was to survive the accident.” Lauren let out a humorless laugh. “Nobody told me that lucky means having to live this sorry ass of a life. Lucky me. They should call me Lucky Lauren.”  

Camila watched as Lauren closed her eyes. She thought Lauren had drifted off to sleep again when she saw tears running down her face. And in that moment, all Camila wanted to do was wrap her arms around Lauren and tell her everything is going to be alright.

But she couldn’t.

All she can do was watch.

**One Year Ago**

“They’re going to flip out when they see us together,” Camila said excitedly as she turned to face Lauren.

Lauren looked at Camila, with her brows furrowed in concern.  “Are you sure you want to do this? Cause we don’t have to.”

“I’m pretty sure I want to,” Camila said, grinning widely. Then her smile faltered as she finally noticed Lauren. “Don’t you want to?”

“People know that I’m bi. They won’t be surprised if I show up with a girl. But you… you’re like the next American’s sweetheart. Aren’t you worried how people will react?”

“Of course I am,” Camila sighed as she leaned back, watching the streets as the car continued to whizz past them. “But I also want to be me. I keep telling people that it’s okay to be who they are and yet here I am hiding a big part of myself. I’ve told so many lies, I can hardly keep track of them.”

“Then if it will make you happy, I am with you a hundred percent.”  Lauren reassuringly said as she took Camila’s hands and held them between her own. “It would be nice to go out with my girlfriend and not worry about what people will see, to hold her hand publicly, maybe even kiss her every now and then.”

“Just every now and then?”

“Okay, maybe more than that,” Lauren said as she leaned to kiss Camila but before their lips touched a violent jolt threw them to one side of the car. And then things started to move slowly. Lauren watched as Camila screamed, blood trickling from her head. Lauren looked out the window as the view changed from the streets to the sky to the streets to the road and to the streets again, never stopping it seems. That’s when she realized what was happening. She looked up and reached for Camila. The look of horror on her face matching her own. But before she can grab her, everything went black.

When Lauren opened her eyes, she was in cool darkly lit room. As she tried to move to see where she was, she saw that she had a cast on her arm and legs. Then she remembered everything.

“Camila!”

“Lauren, thank God.” Lauren saw her mother worriedly looking down at her. “How are you feeling?” She asked as she caressed her daughter’s hair.

“Camila?”

Her mother looked hesitant.

“Where is she?” Lauren asked, frantically this time. Suddenly the rhythmic beeps in the background started getting louder and erratic.  

“She’s in a coma, dear. Just relax, Lauren. Breath.”

“I have to see her.” Lauren started to hyperventilate as she couldn’t get enough oxygen in her lungs.   

“Doctor! I need a doctor here!”                         

Everything went black again.

The next time she woke up, Lauren remembered where she was. Both their doctors pre-approving her visit, she found herself after 30 minutes beside Camila’s bed. Finding her hooked up to various contraptions and laying there motionless, Lauren felt helpless. She wanted everything to be okay. She wanted Camila to wake up. But she couldn’t do anything. All she can do was watch as the respirator breathed for her girlfriend.   

“Don’t leave me,” Lauren whispered in the otherwise silent room.

**Present**

As Camila watched Lauren, she realized how it must have been for her to watch her slowly dying.


	8. Chapter 8

“What am I going to do with you, Lauren?” Camila sighed as she sat down on the floor beside the couch.

“You could just come back and I’ll be alright.”

“If only I can.” As the word left her lips, Camila’s eyes widened in surprise. She slowly turned around to look at Lauren. She saw that she had stopped crying and was breathing evenly. She was asleep. Camila shook her head as she faced forward again. “I’m dead and I’m going crazy. What a combination.”

“You were always crazy.”

Camila turned around again and stared at Lauren who still looked asleep. “Are you talking to me?”

Lauren mumbled something unintelligible and then turned to her side.

Camila sighed and leaned back.

“You told me you loved me, you lied.”

This time, Camila stood up and leaned towards Lauren whose eyes were still closed. “I didn’t lie.”

“Liar.” Lauren answered immediately.

“I loved you… I still do.”

Lauren mumbled again.

“I didn’t hear you.”

“I said, if you loved me then you wouldn’t have left me.”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“You always say that.”

Camila sat back down, her shoulders slumped remembering all the times she told Lauren why she can’t be with her. “You’re right. I actually do.”

“Sorry,” Lauren said after a few minutes of silence. “I didn’t mean to pressure you. I just wanted to be with you so much. I… we waited too long for our chance.”

“And the moment we can, I went ahead and died.”

“I should have gone with you.”

“It’s not your time yet. And you can’t spend the rest of your life like this. I want you to live, I want you to be happy. I want you to find love again.”

“That’s a little too much to ask.”

“You told me once that you’ll do anything for me.” Camila waited for a response but got nothing. “I know you can hear me,” she added.

“Don’t ask me to do that.”

“I want you to let me go and live your life to the fullest. No more drinking yourself until you black out, no more getting high, no more ---.”

“Camila….”

“Lauren… I love you and I want you to be happy. Can you do that for me?”

“I’ll try…”

Camila turned around to look at Lauren but everything turned to black.

***

“Camila! That’s dirty. Don’t put that in your mouth!”

“What?”

“No no no no baby. Let me wipe your hands first and then you can have your banana.”

Camila opened her eyes at the familiar raspy voice.

“Okay, now you can eat that.”

Camila found herself in a kitchen with a woman whose back was turned from her. She seemed to be crouching and looking at something. Then a childlike laugh filled the room. Camila walked to the side and saw a baby happily holding a banana and eating it. The woman straightened and walked through Camila. She felt a little tug in her heart when she recognized Lauren. She looked older from when she last saw her. But before she can think about it more, the baby laughed again. This time, when Camila looked at the baby, the baby was looking at her. One hand clutching the banana and the other hand reaching out for her.

“What do you want, baby?” Lauren asked as she looked over her shoulders towards the baby. The baby was wiggling in her high chair and laughing. “What’s so funny, Camila?”

Camila stopped making faces and turned towards Lauren. “You named your baby, Camila?”

“You and your love for bananas. What were the chances?”

***

 “What’s your name?”

“Camila.”

“No way! I’m Camila too!”

“Of course, you are.”

“All Camila’s are pretty.” The little girl knowingly said as she looked at Camila.

“That is true,” Lauren said as she entered the room. She sat down beside the little girl and started brushing her hair. “How do you want your hair for the zoo?”

“I want bows!”

“Bows?”

“Big ones!”

“Oh dear,” Lauren mumbled as she reached for one of the bright yellow bows.

***

“Why can’t I tell people about you?”

“Because they won’t believe you and they’ll make fun of you.”

“But it’s the truth!”

“I know but not all truths needs to be spoken out loud.”

The little girl pouted.

“I’ll still be your best friend,” Camila said with a big smile, trying to convince the little girl. “You’re secret best friend.”

“I can’t even tell mama.”

“I’m sorry little Camz, it’s just the way it’s supposed to be.”

***                      

 “Lauren, your daughter is just as stubborn as you,” Camila said as she saw Lauren chopping vegetables in the kitchen. She hoisted herself up and sat down on the counter next to the chopping board. When she saw Lauren, she saw her eyes were red and swollen. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I hope you’re happy. Camila is crying,” Brandon, Lauren’s husband said as he walked towards the door with his suitcase

“She’ll understand one day.” Lauren said without looking at him.

“Just give me one more chance, that’s all I ask.” His angry voice turned to pleading.

“I’ve given you one too many. Goodbye Brandon.”

After a few seconds, the sound of the slammed door echoed through the house and then it was quiet.

“I thought it would hurt much more than this,” Lauren said as she stopped chopping and wiped her eyes. “But I guess it’s nothing compared to what I’ve felt before.”

***

“Are you excited about college?” Camila asked the young woman in front of her.

“I am. I just know it’s going to be great. Well, the actual studying part maybe a bit harder but to experience life independently, that’s going to be amazing.”

“I’m going to miss you so much.”

“You really can’t come with me?”

“We tried multiple times, remember? I can’t, I’m stuck here.”

“Stuck is maybe not the right word. It’s just like me and my best friend. We’re going to the same university. I don’t say I’m stuck with her, I do jokingly of course but I love being with her. So it’s not a negative thing.”

“I never said it was. I’m just going to miss having you around.”

“You’re her, right?”

“What?”

“The fifth girl in Fifth Harmony. Havana oh na na. Mama’s first real love. The one who died long before I was born. The one whose name I inherited along with your apparent love for bananas.”

“How long have you known?” Camila asked. She wasn’t surprise she’d found out. Lauren’s daughter was smart, it was just a matter of time.

“There was one time in middle school when I googled Mama. Lots of things came up and I saw your picture. I tried asking her and she sort of choked up. I guess after all those years, she still felt strongly about you.”   

“Is it weird?”

“No. But I’m glad you’re staying here. Mama won’t be alone.”

“I’ll be here but I can’t talk to her, you know. She doesn’t even know I’m lingering…”

“She may not know it but she feels it. Sometimes I’d see you walk up to her and sit down beside her. And then I’ll see her close her eyes and sigh contently. And then she’d have this little smile playing on her lips the entire time.”

“I never knew that. I just wanted to stay close to her.”

“I know. That’s why even though I’m sad I won’t be able to talk you as much, I know you and Mama would be together.”

“Well, don’t be a stranger kid. Come visit when you can.”

***

Lauren watched as her ex-husband and daughter drove out with tears streaming down her face. She wanted to go but she agreed that it was a good bonding for the father-daughter pair to help her get settled in the university. She’d visit the following week anyway.

“I guess, it’s just you and me.”

Camila who was standing next to Lauren, also crying turned to her in surprise.


	9. Chapter 9

“Are you talking to me?” Camila asked as she followed Lauren inside the house. “Hey! Are you talking to me?” Lauren didn’t acknowledge her instead she went to the kitchen to prepare a cup of tea. “For a second there, I thought you could hear me,” Camila said with a sad smile after a few minutes of watching Lauren, then she pulled herself over the kitchen counter to sit.    

“I mean really, you have to sit on my cup.”

“What?” Camila jumped down and looked at where she was sitting. It was directly where Lauren had placed her cup to cool it down before drinking. Lauren took her cup and went to the living room with Camila trailing behind her. “You can see me! I bet you can hear me as well! Lauren, Lauren, Lolo!”

“Do you really have to shout at me?”                             

Camila looked like she was about to burst a blood vessel. She went in front of Lauren and waved her hands frantically. “Are you really talking to me? Lauren, answer me!”

For the first time in years, Camila saw Lauren look at her directly and smiled. “Hi Camz.”

“Am I dreaming? Is this real?”

“Well I hope so. Otherwise I’ve just been hallucinating all these years.”

“Years?” Camila asked in surprise.

‘When I realized that Camila was talking to someone constantly, I thought at first she just have an imaginary friend. Then when I heard that she was talking to someone named Camila as well, let’s just say that I began to have doubts. I mean, who would name their imaginary friend the same as theirs?”

Camila nodded.

“So I visited our friend, Ms. Jordan. Do you remember her?”

“The psychic?”

“She worked on opening my third eye. I had been able to see you since Camila turned six and then I started hearing you when she was around nine.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to complicate things. And maybe I wanted to hear you wax poetic about me every day.”

“Oh my God, you heard all of those?” Camila covered her face in embarrassment, if she still has blood she’s sure her face would have been crimson red.

“It’s hard not too when you’ve obviously made it a part of your daily routine,” Lauren teased but then her face turned serious. “And your songs… the world was robbed.”

Camila shrugged. “You heard, that’s enough.”

“Why are you still here, Camila? You should be up there or reincarnated or something… ”

“I don’t know. I’ve stopped thinking about it. But then why would I want something different. I’m with you. I’m happy even when I thought I you couldn’t see me or hear me.”

“But still…”

“I figured I’m here waiting for you.”

“I can’t… not yet. Camila is still young. I want to see her grow up, have a family ---.”

“No,” Camila said as she placed her hand over Lauren’s. “I didn’t mean it that way. There’s no hurry. I loved that little thing myself. She’s adorable but she can be a little… well let’s say she is her mother’s daughter.”

Lauren laughed. “She can bitch with the best of them.”

“Don’t I know.”

Lauren remembered her tea and brought it to her lips. It has gotten cold. “I’m sorry you’re stuck with middle-aged me.”

“What are you talking about? I think you’re still as beautiful as when I first saw you walked out of the audition booth, maybe even more.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Lauren said with a laugh.

“Better believe it lern jergi.”

“You’re going to wait?”

“As long as it takes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Is this something you'd want to read til the end or is it too depressing? I'm thinking of two stories, this one and another one. If this is too sad, I can just stop.


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